my tears of mourning

i really hate me and why dosnt anybody want me
karma i guess
i deserve all that i dont have
mother screams at me
she flaps and frantics around all based on her needs
hair, nails, facials, fat
all that matters in the world
it spins on an axis that revovles around a hopeless figure
all in all im just another scrap
the skin is too thick
the blade is not sufficient
what i can do i treasure dearly
but it cannot be there all the time
who is there all teh time?
nobody, i have only me

i hate humanity....i can'y believe that we live in such filth
it just disgusts me
i am repulsed by how people ( everybody including myself) live, act and behave
its absolutely disgraceful and degrading

ugh i dunno what to do with myself..im so at a loose end
no1 cares for me at all
i still have no true friends
they all hate me
no1 wants me
i am rejected by everyone
i am unimportant
i am just destined for rejction and never fitting in
just when i think some1's there, and build my hopes upon them
then it shatters and slaps me in the face
why do i even try?

i have me alone, i must rely on myself
( the unstable person i am)
nomatter ho many things i demand and how much i buy
i cannot obvviously buy peoples love

The OLNY thing i have to pour my soul into is this lame and sad COMPUTER livejournal (that nobody reads!) its so pathetic, i am so pathetic........ if only someone coudl listen and at least give some support or care, or some bloody thing

ah well, a prisoner trapped in my own mind.....i know this is what will eventually crack me up to the pouint where i am beyond aid and fixing....it will win the best of me and i will be consumed by my own insanity